The One and Only, Genuine, Original Family Band

So late the other night I decided to fit in another movie for the 2017 DisneyWatch of Doom, and selected 1971’s The Barefoot Executive. Kurt Russell and a monkey – how bad could it be? Well apparently my used DVD had a great big, deep scratch that caused both my DVD players to freeze halfway through the opening credits, then after some sickening grinding noise, jump right to “The End!” Oh well, guess I’ll have to postpone that one. What else should I watch, oh wise list randomizer?

Oh dear God … no … not that one!

Cutting to the chase, I put myself through another viewing of 1968’s (wait for it …) The One and Only, Genuine, Original Family Band (not to be confused with "Dr. Fünke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution.")

Welcome to the seventh level of hell...

Where to begin?

Sitting through this film, one gets the impression that somebody at the studio REALLY REALLY wanted another drawn-out period-piece musical, no matter what the cost. I imagine the conversation went something like “We need another Happiest Millionaire, which was us trying to get another Mary Poppins!”

I know that the song-writing Sherman Brothers are revered #DisneyLegends, but personally I find their output to be hit-or-miss - as if they blew their wad for Poppins and were pushed to write more songs than they really wanted to afterward. The avalanche of songs in Blah-Blah-Blah Family Band all sound similar, go on for several minutes too long, and make whatever little momentum the story has grind to a halt. Besides “Let's Put It Over with Grover,” which the One and Only, Genuine, Original Family Band (whew) plan to perform at a political convention, none of the songs help to move the story along, and have little point beyond proclaiming “I’m in love!”, “Isn’t music great!?”, “I’m still in love!” or “We’re The One and Only, Genuine, Original Family Band, just like in the title!”

I'm gonna kick the hell out of this number!

Apologies, but can I talk freely about Lesley Ann Warren? While her singing voice can be lovely (and … distinct), and I’m sure her particular type of acting is perfectly suited to musical theater or large civic auditoriums, the faces she pulls make my bowels groan. Forever looking like that high school theater kid who wants to be a star from the back of the crowd in the big dance number, she always waves her jazz-hands more frantically and kicks her petticoats higher than everyone else in the scene. In any given situation, whether her character is in love, thinking about being in love, falling in love, falling out of love, or blowing her cornet, she makes the biggest, freakiest saucer-eyes, like an Overly Attached Girlfriend meme come to life.

Actually, this one appears to be a trombone...

As noted before, I have actually sat through this film once before. The first time I saw it, I was simply bored to tears of tedium - but this time something very different happened; something that left a vaguely foul taste in my movie-watching mouth (so to speak.)

The film, purportedly a lightweight family comedy, takes place against the backdrop of the highly-contested 1888 presidential election, and most of its characters end up fighting over the issue of Dakota Territory statehood. In her excellent blog, Passport to Dreams Old and New, author and devout intelligentsia FoxxFur, writing about the film in 2014, notes that viewing this movie while taking into account the tumultuous political situation at its time of release (the Vietnam war, race riots, hippie-youth vs. old guard - all the stuff Baby Boomers love to go on about, man) would have been an extremely frustrating experience. The film drags in some pretty serious political issues, which to a degree was tuned-in to the social atmosphere of 1968. However, after taking on such a heavy-handed tone, the film then shrugs it all off by the end – as one of it’s endless songs goes, “That’s politics!” This was an issue that Foxx took offense with. While watching the movie this time, I started to get a similar feeling.

During the film’s climax, the two parties, Republicans and Democrats, are facing off in the town’s exposition hall waiting on the poll results (and OMG the family is split!!), with tensions growing and god-awful musical numbers ensuing. When word comes down that Democrat candidate Grover Cleveland has won, half the room (including the family’s lovable-old-coot grandfather, played by Walter Brennan) is jubilant, and the other side (including the virile Republican booster - and Lesley Ann’s love interest - played by John Davidson) is incensed. Soon a full-on riot ensues, with punches being thrown all around and the six (!) youngest children of the One and Only, Ori … the Family Band being stuck in the middle. Now as far as Disney’s patented “live-action wacky fights” go, this one was pretty intense and not really played for laughs. After several minutes, word comes from the telegraph office that – hold the phone – while Cleveland won the popular vote, the electoral college has chosen Republican Benjamin Harrison as the next president.

Love at first grope

And then, to celebrate, John Davidson forces himself on Lesley Ann Warren. Everyone cheers and Leslie Ann agrees, aw shucks, to marry the big lug. In song.

I hate this fucking movie.

Well, maybe the next one won't warrant such a rant. In the meantime, please go out and watch a good movie.