Lady and The Tramp

Me: Maybe they had an emergency in the kitchen?

me: Well, maybe … have you heard any commotion or anything back there?

Me: No … well, at least we’ve had some time to peruse the menu.

me: We’ve had a long time to peruse it - that’s the problem.

Me: Okay, I know. Anything look good to you?

me: Sure, a few things. They claim to have the best spaghetti in town. Want to try it?

Me: I don’t know … I always feel weird ordering spaghetti in a restaurant.

me: Why?

Me: I don’t know … it’s such a basic thing, isn’t it? I feel like I could throw together a spaghetti dinner myself without much fuss. Why waste a night out?

me: Well, yeah. If you whipped up some quick spaghetti, it probably wouldn’t be as good as pasta from a real Italian restaurant, though?

Me: I suppose not.

me: Unless you made the sauce from scratch?

Me: Yeah, maybe - but I wouldn't. Anyway, I’m not convinced this is a “real Italian restaurant,” to be honest.

me: How so?

Me: I don’t think the staff is Italian.

me: The owner sounded Italian…

Me: Yeah, but that chef ...

me: You mean Joe?

Me: Yeah. He didn’t sound Italian. He sounded like Mr. Smee putting on a bad accent. “Joe” isn’t even an Italian name, is it?

me: Hmm … now that you mention it, he did seem a little vaudeville. He sounds kind of like the White Rabbit.

Me: White Rabbit?

me: Yes … Alice in Wonderland?

Me: Oh, right.


…


me: So …

Me: So?

me: … are we going to talk about the cats?

Me: <sighs heavily> I don’t know …

me: Seems like it can’t be avoided, unfortunately.

Me: <groans> I know, I know …

me: Well?

Me: It’s just … there’s so much else to talk about …

me: Yes, that’s true … but …

Me: … and I feel like all I do any more is complain. There’s so much good stuff going on …

me: It is very pretty to look at.

Me: Yes, exactly. Can’t we talk about that?

me: Sure, of course.

Me: …

me: … Well?

Me: "Well” what?

me: Go ahead and talk about all the “good stuff.”

Me: I … there’s a … look, it’s not like I don’t want to …

me: Uh-huh …

Me: … it’s just … I don't know. They've been making animated movies for 18 years by this point, right?

me: Right.

Me: So does it even need to be pointed out that it looks great? Shouldn't that be a given?

me: It was their first widescreen one.

Me: … Well, that's true. You could tell they weren't used to it: some of the close-up's are framed weird.

me: There you go.

Me: Hey, no need to patronize me. I don't need help reviewing a Disney movie by this point.

me: Oh, really?

Me: Yes, really. Why the sarcasm?

me: Listen, the only reason we’re doing this is because you're having problems coming up with something to say - again - and you wanted time to talk it through …

Me: I know, I know.

me: Honestly. First it was writer's block over some jive-talking crows, and now the same thing because of some stupid cartoon cats …

Me: It's not just the cats. The cat thing I was prepared for. But there's more …

me: More?

Me: I didn't really want to get into this already …

me: Get into what?

Me: … I thought it could wait until Cinderella, or Alice in Wonderland …

 me: ??

Me: The … look, they made five animated movies in the '50's. I've never been crazy about most of them.

me: You haven't? But they're classics … like, all of them.

Me: Yeah, yeah … Cinderella saved the animation studio, people love Alice in Wonderland and Peter Pan. I used to think Lady and The Tramp was one of Disney's better films …

me: What about Sleeping Beauty?

Me: I've always liked Sleeping Beauty. I still do. It's like the studio built up enough comfort food points over the decade to try something overtly artistic, and it bit Walt in the ass. After that he focused on Disneyland and let the animation studio go into a creative tailspin in the '60s.

me: What about the others? Cinderella, Peter Pan, etc.?

Me: I really can't ... it's just that after seeing so many of their movies from the '40s …

me: The "package films?"

Me: Yeah - the ones no one seems to like and Disney itself wants to ignore …

me: Well?

Me: They were … even when they weren't good, like the "Bongo" half of Fun and Fancy Free, or most of Melody Time … at least they were interesting.

me: <nods> Go on …

Me: Isn't it intrinsically better that they were trying new things out instead of going with what people wanted to see? I mean, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad is mostly great, and The Three Caballeros is fantastic …

me: Yes - you won't shut up about that one …

Me: Fine, fine. But the thing is these ones from the '50s that everyone loves … they're just so …

me: Dull?

Me: Yes. They're so safe, and predictable … it's frustrating.

me: Mm-hmm.

Me: I've felt that way for a while. But now there's more to it … it’s like a perspective thing, you know?

me: Okay …

Me: It’s just all so … I don't know. Middle class?

me: <snickers> Well, what do you expect? That’s the name of the game, right?

Me: Yes, yes.

me: That’s who Disney caters to. You knew that going in.

Me: <sighs> That wasn't always the case, though. You can still tell by how different something like Fantasia is from Peter Pan, or how Swiss Family Robinson is different from The Island at the Top of the World.

me: Well, tastes change over time. Studios can't survive by doing the same thing forever - even if what they're doing is artistically valid.

Me: Obviously. It's just tougher to get through some era's than others. The creativity seems to ebb and flow like crazy. It's hard to keep a continuous line of criticism going when things are all over the place.

me: Don’t forget the nostalgia.

Me: <rubbing head in hands> Christ, I know. It’s just … it’s different, now.

me: Yes ... yes, it is. Like they say, the memory cheats.

Me: Who … who says that?

me: Who said that. It’s not important.

Me: <shrugs>


…


me: <sighs> Is anyone going to take our order?

Me: I haven’t even seen anyone since we got our drinks. I’m starving.

me: Looks like you’re going to need more Chianti soon.

Me: Not to mention breadsticks. I’ll … we’ll give them a few more minutes.

me: Fine …


…


me: <whispering> You know … it’s just a cartoon.

Me: Now that’s not fair. I mean, yes, but … but that’s what I do.

me: Yeah, but … does it matter?

Me: “Does it matter?” Well, I don’t know. Does anything?

me: Of course it does.

Me: And … and sometimes it’s just easier to ignore the bad things when everything else is good …

me: Okay …

Me: I'd always enjoyed Lady and The Tramp before - even with the stupid dated "herro kitty" routine. But now it's … I don’t know. I’m sorry.

me: You have nothing to apologize for …

Me: But I feel like I do.

me: Why?

Me: I’m a … well, not apologize, but … I feel like I should …

me: … what?

Me: I’m not sure … be ashamed?

me: Ashamed?

Me: Or something ... guilty! That’s it! I feel guilty.

me: For what?

Me: For … well, it’s … it’s hard to say …

me: Take your time ...

Me: I guess ... I guess I feel like I should point things out because I feel guilty. I don't know why, I just do.

me: <sighs>

Me: Besides ... there’s a … a precedent now.

me: “A precedent?”

Me: Yes.

me: How so?

Me: Well … it’s not like I can ignore what I've said before.

me: Go on …

Me: I very well can’t chide something one week and then ignore the same problem thereafter.

me: Well … why not?

Me: “Why not?” Are you suggesting I change my methods?

me: Well … no, nothing like that. But you can’t go on like this.

Me: <sighs> I know. But even ignoring the cats, and the bad Italian, and the myriad of other horrendous accents, it's not like this is a great love story.

me: It's a '50s cartoon movie about talking dogs. Were you expecting Blue Valentine?

Me: No, of course not. I wasn't even expecting All That Heaven Allows. It's just that when your central story gets overshadowed by pantomime Fu Manchu cats or barbershop dog-howling, you've got problems.

me: Can't argue with that.

Me: <shakes head> It's ... this was the first time I've watched this movie and could honestly care less about what was going on. I got -zero- entertainment value, absolutely no pleasure while watching.

me: Wow.

Me: <nods> I wasn't expecting that. I feel like I'm subconsciously rebelling against the status quo.

me: Mm-hmm ...

Me: Like you said, tastes change. I don't know ... when I get more pleasure from watching Jonathan Winters make an ass of himself in some shit TV special than I do watching a certified classic ... maybe the problem's with me?

me: It's tricky.

Me: <nods> It's not the first time I've called out something beloved a piece of crap - and it won't be the last.

me: So is that what you think of this one?

Me: ... yes.

me: You're prepared to go on record and admit that you vehemently disagree with the majority of your intended readership?

Me: I am, and I will always be. Lady and The Tramp smells like wet dog. There, I said it.

me: You'll be called a bad fan. You'll get derisive comments.

Me: <shrugs> Well ... I have to be honest. What else can I do?


…


Me: You know, this is ridiculous. No one's been to our table. I’m going back there to find out what the hell’s going on.

me: Alright.

Me: <gets up and walks out>


…


me:  . . . .


…


Me: <returns> Holy shit!

me: What? What’s going on?

Me: They … they’re serving dogs!

me: Wh … what do you mean? They’re cooking dogs!?

Me: No, no! They’re serving them dinner!

me: ?

Me: They’ve dropped everything, set up a little table in the back alley, and they're serving spaghetti and meatballs to a pair of strays.

me: … what?

Me: Joe and the owner are singing to them. Like it’s a goddamned date night for dogs out there!

me: You’re kidding! With all these hungry diners in here!?

Me: I know! This is ridic … wait, where are the others?

me: Don’t know. Let’s just go and eat somewhere else.

Me: <sighs> I guess you’re right. I can’t stomach this place anymore.

me: There’s a place nearby serving Siamese food.

Me: It’s Thai - you mean Thai food.

me: <sighs> If you want. Come on. <exits>

Me: <hesitates at the door> It’s just … I keep coming back here … it’s where I am … I can’t seem to leave … I’ll probably just stay here …